matt dash low dot com

I used to be a coffee junkie. Actually, I still am one. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t need to have a caffeine injection at some point. Coffee’s a great social beverage. It’s the day time equivalent of beer, you could say. I used to go out for coffee with friends on a regular basis. Every week, we’d grab coffee from a place that’s convenient and just catch up with each other about what was going on in our lives. Now it’s no longer a possibility since they’ve all started seeing someone. The warning alarms in my head have sounded. Here’s the reason I was given (ad-libbed somewhat but you kind of get the general idea):

It’s against their culture for a woman to go out and have coffee with other guys.

I could not believe it. Sure, I can understand it if it’s someone they just met. But it’s not like we just met at the local yoga studio or something. Just as a summary for any boyfriends out there that are paranoid, here’s a list of guys you should watch out for and that you can relax around:

Not a threat

• Long time high school friend - They’ve been friends for such a long time. If something was going to happen, it would’ve happened a long time ago. The fact that it hasn’t means there’s a reason behind it.
• Neighbour - See above.
• Family friends - They’re almost like family since you see them so often. It’s be extremely awkward although there is some potential.

Potential threats

• The new guy - Maybe they just met your girl somewhere at a gym or a hobby place. Be cautious and watch for certain telltale signs.
• Co-workers - If it’s just one person, I’d be careful here. Note if they’re spending most of their break time exclusively with that one person. Wouldn’t be worried if it was a group of people, however.
• The ex - Be suspicious. They have a long and potentially intimate history together. It’s always easier to be intimate with someone you’ve already been intimate with.

The freedom to choose who you can and can’t be around is something I firmly believe in. It’s a lesson my ex taught me very well. There were times where I had to choose between my friends and her. That is a choice that should never come into question in a relationship. Any guy that does that isn’t worth your time and I’m sure there’s a lot of good guys out there.

Honestly, what the hell kind of culture doesn’t want their friends to be with their friends? Do you really want to be in a relationship that imposes such a restriction? No one has the right to tell you who you can and cannot be friends with. No relationship is worth that cost. If I had the chance to sleep with Jessica Alba with the condition that I be forced to abandon my friends and never see them again, I’d tell her to screw off (albeit kindly).

To all you single girls out there, when you find a guy worthy of your love and affection, make sure the price isn’t too high. Learn how to draw the line early in your relationship. Don’t let them set the standard. If they have a problem with someone, talk with them first and negotiate and find out what it is about that guy that makes them uneasy for you to be with. But learn to put your foot down and draw the line first before he has the chance to.

Give a mouse a cookie and they’ll ask for a glass of milk.

You ever heard of that saying? You get isolated from your guy friends. What’s next? They don’t want you to hang around your girl friends. Then they cut you off from their family. At this point, your social network is shot to hell because the only person you can reliably depend upon is the boyfriend. Maybe you’re in a situation where you don’t have a choice where your survival literally depends on them. If that’s the case, then you saw it too late. But there’s always a chance to climb out. Mend the fences with those around you.

The one thing that a lot of people fail to realize is that while friends are easy to make, they’re often difficult to keep. Everyone moves on. If you want more proof, count the amount of high school friends you keep in touch with on a consistent and regular basis.

You know what the worst thing is? There isn’t a damn thing I can do about it. There isn’t a damn thing anyone can do about it. Go to any girl that’s seeing a guy and you ask them to choose between their best guy friend and their boyfriend, and they will ALWAYS pick their boyfriend. If they don’t pick their boyfriend, what are they doing sleeping with the guy in the first place? Love has this ability to cause people to forget use their brain and use logic once in a while and it’s usually at the wrong times. The guy friend, undoubtedly loyal he is, will willingly accept that. In fact he’d even encourage the girl to pick the boyfriend knowing that it would involve sacrificing their friendship because it’s what’s best for the girl in question. A noble sacrifice isn’t it? Years of fun times gone in an instant because the boyfriend says so.

I’m bitter. I don’t like it. But I understand it why it has to be this way.