matt dash low dot com

These are hilarious!

I heard my wife crying in the bathroom. ‘Honey? What’s wrong’ I asked.

‘Oh, George! Just look at me: I’m getting so old! I have more gray in my hair than blonde, I have varicose veins on both of my legs, and I’m just fat and wrinkled all over! I really need someone to say something positive about me right now!’

I looked deeply into her eyes and said softly: ‘Your vision’s real good, honey. That’s something, isn’t it?’

And that’s when the fight started….

–

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."

So I said, "Then I’d like to phone a friend."

And that’s when the fight started….