Saw this on MLIA. Couldn’t help but laugh.

Today, me and my mom went to Old Country Buffet for breakfast. Keep in mind that my mom is Asian and there was an Asian couple behind us in line As we went up to tell the woman how many were in our party, she interrupted us and asked
“Four?”,
“No, two,” said my mom.
Then the woman rudely said again, “Yeah, but there are four of you sitting together,”
“No, two,” said my mom “Don’t assume all Asian people are related.”

The woman’s face was priceless. MLIA

After being in school for 8 years between high school and university, the one type of question that I hated the most was the short answer question. The multiple choice stuff is no problem since you can easily coin toss the answers if you don’t know anything. Essay questions are kitchen-sinkable. I remember my TA mentioning once if you’re not quite sure what to write for the essay question, the best thing to do was write as much as you know and make it fit. After all, if you hurl enough shit against a wall some of it will stick.

But the short answer question represented a significant bane in my academic existence. They used different wording like evaluate or contrast or identify. In my younger years, I had no idea what they were asking for. Since I’ve reached the old age of 22, it’s time for me to pass on my knowledge to the younger generation.

If you ever see cue words like the following, you’ll have a better idea of what they mean.

Contrast: List the differences between two things.

Example: Contrast the characters Mumble and Ramon in the movie Happy Feet

Answer: Mumble is much taller than Ramone and possesses excellent dance skills. Ramone is a far superior singer than Mumble.

Describe: Show and talk about what happened or what you’re seeing.

Example: Describe Frodo’s journey from the Shire to Mordor.

Answer: It was a long and perilous journey with a fat halfling and a creature that had half the theatre wanting to punch him in the face so he could stop talking.

Summarize: List the main points. Don’t go into details.

Example: Summarize the movie Rounders.

Answer: Guy loses a lot of money at poker. Then a massive storyline occurs where he runs around trying to win games to pay off his debt. The final showdown sees the main character winning a lot of money to pay off his debt and subsequently enter the world series of poker.

Compare: Provide similarities and differences between two things. It’s like contrast with more stuff.

Example: Compare the social networking sites of Facebook and Myspace.

Answer: Both revolve around the central concept of finding and meeting other people online. Myspace features flexible profile pages for individuals whereas Facebook maintains a uniform look across the pages of its users.

Prove: Lead the reader from facts and evidence to a logical conclusion.

Example: Prove that it Curtis took the cookies from the cookie jar.

Answer: The cookie jar was discovered open in Curtis’ room on its side with the lid on the table. There were no cookies inside it. Timmy’s shirt was covered in crumbs. His hands showed cookie residue. From the evidence, we can infer that it was in fact Curtis who took the cookies from the cookie jar. 

Criticize: Give your opinion on something.

Example: Criticize Paris Hilton.

Answer: Too easy.

Define: Write down the meaning of a concept or word. Is usually followed by the phrase “Provide an example”

Example: Define Gabriel’s Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory.

Answer: The theory goes that a normal person who is given anonymity and has an audience will act like a complete moron. This implies that a normal person who’s identity is readily available will generally not act like a moron although there are exceptions to this case.

Identify: State the obvious answer.

Example: Identify one advantage that mac users have over PC users.

Answer: Mac users will typically enjoy a higher degree of security and stability because not many virus makers will develop viruses that will go after them.

Justify: Offer some support and evidence to a certain viewpoint or position.

Example: Justify Professor Dumbledore’s death at the hands of Professor Snape.

Answer: Dumbledore told him to so he could infiltrate the armies of he who must not be named.

I hope this helps! May all your answers be swift and your multiple choice guesses correct!

These are hilarious!

I heard my wife crying in the bathroom. ‘Honey? What’s wrong’ I asked.

‘Oh, George! Just look at me: I’m getting so old! I have more gray in my hair than blonde, I have varicose veins on both of my legs, and I’m just fat and wrinkled all over! I really need someone to say something positive about me right now!’

I looked deeply into her eyes and said softly: ‘Your vision’s real good, honey. That’s something, isn’t it?’

And that’s when the fight started….

–

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."

So I said, "Then I’d like to phone a friend."

And that’s when the fight started….

…my Macbook. Without it, I would suffer from some form of phantom limb syndrome or massive withdrawal

…my job. It’s not often I get to get paid for something I love doing.

…my friend. Who made me join an online dating site because she insists it’ll be good for me. I don’t know what I’m doing here.

…my sponsors. They help keep my sites running.

…my gadgets. My iPod, my DS, my PDA and other stuff help keep me sane.

…my coffee. It gives me the start I need to get through my day.

…my friends. They just seem to know what to say at the right time.

…my education. Even though I’m not done yet. It’s nice to learn about stuff.

…my followers. I don’t know why they follow me either. Must be my deodorant.

…my wry sense of humor. Don’t ask.

…my TED. I learn so much and I love the ideas there.

Just being here, too. That’s always good.

I never check it. There’s a good reason for it though.

It’s because I don’t know how.

Yeah! I’m serious!

You know for some reason, I developed this reputation as this tech whiz and guru of computers? That was a total mistake. I should’ve invested my time into something more useful like cooking. A man’s gotta eat. I’m getting a little weary of Michelina’s too. I never learned how to check my voice mail. The most technical thing I know how to do on my phone is transfer ringtones like Journey and Rocky and set alarms for obscene hours in the morning. I even made my friend change the wallpaper on my phone because I had no idea how. It’s a picture of lillies or lilacs or whatever flowers that are white. I don’t even have a clue how to change it so I’m stuck staring at flowers every time I open my phone.

So from now on, here’s the goddamn procedure if you wanna get a hold of me. Go ahead and call. If I don’t answer and it goes to my voice mail, don’t even bother leaving a message. I’m never going to check it.

Of course, there might be cases where I’m otherwise preoccupied. I could be in lecture. I could be asleep. Or more than likely, I’m deeply engaged in an enlightening conversation with a most captivating woman who demands my complete attention.

Let’s put it this way.

If you really want to talk to me, keep calling. If I really want to talk to you, I’ll answer.

There’s two types of people in this world: Those who admit to singing in the shower and those who won’t admit it.

We’re terrible singers. But there’s always that one guy who will sing along with the radio on a road trip who is absolutely bad at it. Regardless though, the shower is a great place to let loose our vocals in the privacy of our own home without having to face any kind of public humiliation. Rest assured, the range of our repertoire is extensive and dynamic. Without further adieu, here’s a sample of some shower singing samples.

Journey – Don’t Stop Believing: Classic. Ever since Family Guy brought it back, it’s been a staple since.

Bon Jovi – It’s My Life: You can take a guy’s wallet. You can steal a guy’s heart. But you will be hard pressed to take his independence.

Frank Sinatra – Fly Me to the Moon: Frank Sinatra has the voice that every guy wants when they get older. Until then, we’ll keep trying until we can pull it off.

Beatles – Any song: You can get away with just about any major Beatles hit. I personally prefer Yellow Submarine. Love Me Do works. So does Let it Be. Help. Eight Days a Week. The list goes on and on.

Justin Timberlake – Sexy Back: Yup, it’s still fairly popular. Don’t be judging now.

Survivor – Eye of the Tiger: If it’s on Guitar Hero, it’s fair game. You can always say that you’re practicing your vocals for it if you get caught. Eye of the Tiger is a great addition.

Joe Espositio – You’re the Best: I almost forgot to add this Karate Kid song to the list!

Matthew Wilder – Break my Stride: Ain’t nothin gonna break my stride, nobody gonna slooow me down wha-oh!

There’s probably a bunch more, but that’s all I could get off the top of my head. What songs do you belt out when you’re in the shower?

I’m always worried about something. My mind’s consistently in overdrive. I haven’t slept well in months. 6-7 hours of sleep a night. It’s not uncommon for me to go to bed at 12 AM or 1 AM and be up at 7 AM. I feel tense and uptight when I am awake. It’s a difficult thing for me to simply just “let go” of stuff.

I could use some help. What do you do to unwind?

My birthday has come and gone. Received many well wishes from lots of people. Thank you! My birthday was spent mostly in peace and quiet. My party was the week before. I went out for dinner with a friend who I had not seen in a long time. It’s great catching up with people. I should do that more often.

I’m tempted to try to track down a random person on facebook once a week and just meet up with them for a while to see how they are. But that could prove a logistical nightmare.

Insomnia

It’s midnight. I’m having difficulty sleeping. This happens when my brain’s on overdrive. There are times when I think too much. I’m both blessed and cursed with a far too analytical mind. I think about what the best case outcomes are. I think what’s the most likeliest to happen. I plan for the worst but I assume the best.

So what do you do when you have difficulty sleeping?

Completely uneventful day. Most of the time was spent on Professor Layton. Except now I have low DS power and I can’t seem to find my damn charger anywhere. I fear the worst. I broke my 5 day streak of having instant dinners. Went out and bought me a whole chicken and made rice. Mmm! Nothing beats chicken and rice.

Oh, get this. I was flipping through channels today after watching So You Think You Can Dance. I stumbled across a TV show where a bunch of football players were doing Beyonce’s All the Single Ladies dance. I just about fell off the couch laughing. Turns out the show’s called Glee! It’s some sort of musical/comedy type show. It’s the first I’ve seen of it but that’s mostly because I don’t watch much TV. I admit, I did find it entertaining.

Tomorrow it’s off to grab a haircut and maybe hunt for a DS adapter.