It’s a fairly well known fact that most guys are opposed to shopping. No guy wants to go shuffling from store to store with a woman who isn’t sure of herself. You can call it “window shopping” or whatever. But in my mind, I’m busy plotting the 435th way to kill that virtual dragon and looting the chest of gold it’s guarding (which, by the way, is caving in the entire dungeon).

Now let’s get something straight. Geek guys shop too. There isn’t really a time where I stop shopping. Whether I’m playing Warcraft, doing some homework or reading, I might stumble across a product I want.

When that happens, I resort to looking online. Books are a great example. I’ll read a blog post about a movie or a book and I just might decide to pick it up. The first step is knowing what you want. The second step is to fire up Google and look for the cheapest places to pick it up. The third step is isolating what the closest and convenient destinations are.

Once all that information is in place, it’s cost-benefit analysis time. Every geek has this mentality ingrained in their system. For example, the cost of buying a game isn’t 50 bucks. It’s the 30 minutes it takes to go to the mall, lineup, deal with annoying mothers asking about whether or not Grand Theft Auto is appropriate for their kids, and then shelling out the 50 bucks.

All for the sole benefit of completely kicking the crap out of other players on the internet. The benefit is absolutely worth the cost. It is even more so when your greatest rival is bragging about his e-prowess and you just have to shut him the only way you know how: Beating him at his own game.

But that’s another topic entirely.

Here is the ideal shopping scenario for guys.

Yesterday afternoon, I went shopping with a friend. She’s got shopping down to a science. We went to a shoe store and she simply went up to an assistant, asked for a pair of boots of a certain size, and paid for it right there. Turns out she tried them out before twice and had her mind firmly made up.

Later on, we found out that one of the retail prescription glasses stores were having a renovation sale with everything nearly 50% off. We decided to go take a look. The sunglasses she was thinking about getting were a pair of Ray-Bans. At first she wanted to know if they had them in stock.

But here’s the kicker.

She knew the exact item number of the sunglasses in question.

Right away, the guy picked out the exact glasses from the display counter and presented her with the only pair remaining. Didn’t have to stand there trying on pair after pair after pair while looking for the perfect set.

And yes, she looked awesome in said Ray-Bans.

By the way, here’s pro tip: If you’ve unconsciously memorized the catalogue number of an item, chances are, you really want it.

Anyway, if you’re having a hard time getting a guy to go shopping with you, keep the following in mind:

• Out of supplies. There’s no more Mountain Dew/Red Bull/Coke/Pepsi/Pizza Pops/Beer. Any guy will go out on a resupply run and stock up accordingly. Playing games like Starcraft and Command and Conquer have taught us to never run too low on resources in case you need them. While he’s stocking up on gaming essentials, you can disappear quickly enough to get your items of interest.
• Need an escort. What’s that? Going into hostile territory with aggressive shopping moms and you need protection? He’ll be there. Every guy loves to feel important. Tell him you need a body guard in case you get attacked by zombies or giant, mutated bugs. By the time you’re ready to go, he’ll have a map of the whole mall. Probably knows where all the crowbars are, too.
• Be organized. Know what you want, know how to get there, know the ideal times to go. The single most important thing is to not waste time. Zero in on your purchase and get it. If you have to try on clothes to make sure it fits, by all means do so. Just keep in mind that you’re on the internal timer.
• Buy him a treat. You can sweeten the deal if you pick him up a copy of Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown for his DS. Of course, coffee or iced tea will work. Bonus points: Copy of this months Wired magazine.

Personally, I don’t mind going out. It does get me away from the computer once in a while. And even I can certainly appreciate that.